A Florida assistant principal is under fire for allegedly calling a student “Sexy Chocolate” while making him give her a foot rub—proving once again that Florida headlines need their own genre. It’s wildly inappropriate, wildly Floridian, and definitely not in the school handbook under “educational best practices.”
Kids across three U.S. states are being told to avoid the outdoors—no recess, no backyard adventures, just indoor boredom. Childhood memories now come with screen glare and filtered air in this climate change plot twist.
The UK’s finest have swapped truncheons for trowels, running cannabis farms that would make any stoner jealous. Britain’s police cultivating cannabis isn’t an April Fools’ prank—just another day in the British justice system.
One NYU student got an unexpected wake-up call—courtesy of their roommate’s bladder. The administration’s response? Less action, more head-scratching, as dorm life at America’s quirkiest university gets even weird.
In an unprecedented bureaucratic plot twist, Social Security vanished thousands of retirees after a DOGE-named agency wielded too much delete power. Turns out, being 'digitally dead' doesn’t help you collect benefits—or set up a game night.
Texas politicians want to evict furries from school grounds, leaving mascots nervously checking their fur suits. The furry subculture crackdown raises eyebrows and hackles in the Lone Star State’s education system.
Blink-182’s bassist swears his pop-punk wisdom guided US forces to Saddam. Somewhere, a Pentagon playlist just got a lot weirder—and history teachers everywhere are nervously shredding their lesson plans.
Science meets Olympic-level awkwardness as the world’s first official sperm race crowns a champion. Genetics, fertility clinics, and way too much competitive energy collide in humanity’s weirdest new sport, now streaming for curious onlookers worldwide.
One moment you're channeling your inner gymnast, the next you're seeing nothing but darkness. A British woman’s cartwheel marathon turns into an unexpected, vision-blurring Olympic event.
Peter Hudson was discovered mid-romance with his sex doll on the front porch, confessing to both neighbors and the court—all in one moment. British justice meets inflatable companionship in a scene so surreal, even Love Island’s casting directors would think twice.
Humanoid robots lined up for the world’s first robot half-marathon, promptly proving they’re better at slapstick than sprinting. Beijing’s robo-runners wowed crowds with accidental acrobatics and slow-motion drama, not exactly threatening human athletic supremacy this year.
Florida woman busted for selling human bones in her curio shop—retail therapy takes a dark turn into the anatomical.
Fox News sparked a diplomatic faux pas by labeling Kyiv as Russian. Ukraine demands an apology and investigation, leading to an international media blunder.
In a dramatic legal turn, a federal judge has issued a contempt charge against the 'Dump' administration, leaving many in shock.
A TikTok astrologer’s horoscope took a sharp turn when authorities arrested him for predicting a Myanmar earthquake. Apparently, Mercury retrograde is now a prosecutable offense in parts of Southeast Asia’s influencer scene.
