The Bayeux Tapestry has sparked an academic feud as historians bicker over the true penis count woven into its medieval threads. As scholars scrutinize every stitch, this debate over embroidered anatomy has turned the tapestry into an unlikely battleground for art historians and internet sleuths alike.

Rarely does medieval embroidery ignite such uproar, but the "Penis Census" of the Bayeux Tapestry has made scholars comb every knight, horse, and scene for hidden anatomical surprises. For now, the only certainty about the Bayeux Tapestry’s secrets is its enduring ability to provoke—and amuse.